37
I turned 37 this past Saturday and so far 37 doesn’t feel any different than 36. The number of my age increased; I got a little bit closer to that scary number 40 and yet nothing else in my life has changed. I can’t help but wonder if 37 is the magic number that will cure my sleepless nights, take away anxiety, build confidence, fill the void, attain happiness, fit in, and feel loved…
I don’t usually do birthdays well. I don’t like them. I never have. Back in March I wrote about being a
Gemini and asked these questions:
“Does being given away on the day you were born instill a sense of loneliness in a person that never really quite goes away? Does not knowing whom you look like confuse your self-image? Does not knowing where you come from make it more difficult to ‘fit’ in?”
In 37 years, I haven't figured out any answers…
I began combatting my birthday anxiety Friday at lunch with the office staff. I sat through margarita toasts lead by my boss (the worst example of a man); new co-workers (whose motives I’m unsure of), good friends, and a new baby girl all of whom wished me well. Dinner with my parents at a local steak house soon followed where my food intake was scrutinized by the food police. Later I met two good friends at Kosmos to watch the
Filthies and
Liars and Thieves play. I drank more than usual as my anxiety mounted with the approaching midnight hour and my looming birthday. My closest friend, who knows me well, was not in tune with my inner struggles. I was treading water on my own…
Saturday morning dawned bright and early with a sleepy drive to
Yosmite National Park. Where dear friends and I walked among the stillness and quiet beauty of
towering trees; stood next to thundering, astounding and mesmerizing
waterfalls --getting
soaked, marveled at the sheer massive size of
cliff walls and experienced nature and beauty at its finest. It was wonderful to be outdoors walking through
God’s playground. It felt good to be away from my life, which seemed insignificant in the mists of the falls and God’s creation. It was great to be with my dear friends on my birthday.
37 was a much better day than I had expected…
My Photos...