Crazy
Do you ever have moments where you know you must be crazy? There’s just no other explanation for the way your life is going.
“I’m sorry your Honor, I can’t even begin to explain my life… I plead crazy.”
I plead crazy for a
37th birthday so anxiety-ridden I strapped myself onto a roller coaster headed to crazyville. I plead crazy for not handling very well the four-year anniversary of the end of my marriage this past month. I plead crazy for hiring my
third attorney in pursuit of my half of our business my ex-husband still owes me. I plead crazy for talking to a ghost of a long lost love. I plead crazy for being disappointed yet again. I plead crazy for wanting someone special in my life and not knowing how to find that person. I plead crazy for friendships, connections formed through correspondence. I plead crazy for needing my best friend's approval and acceptance. I plead crazy for feeling alive when a man made me laugh. I plead crazy for believing I was beautiful when a man told me tonight that I was. I plead crazy for still believing in love. I plead crazy for believing my latest Chinese fortune:
“There is a way to everything you want.” I plead crazy for being the commander of my failures. I plead crazy for knowing my life is not defined by my job. I plead crazy for retreating into my house this past month and spending hours laying on the couch watching the entire six seasons of
Sex and the City. I plead crazy for crying at the end of the final episode of
Sex and the City even though I’ve seen it many times. I plead crazy for wanting to start all over again at episode one. I plead crazy for letting my housework go, buying DVD’s I haven’t watched yet, and buying books I haven’t read yet. I plead crazy for not unpacking my elephants. I plead crazy for my fanatic love of local bands:
The Filthies,
The Dalloways,
Norfolk, and
Karmahitlist. I plead crazy for needing music to breathe. I plead crazy for loving Willie Nelson’s song
Crazy that Patsy Cline made famous. I plead crazy for thinking love songs are more beautiful in Spanish. I plead crazy for relating to the words of
Anne Sexton. I plead crazy for not writing enough, sharing enough of myself in my blog this past month. I plead crazy for all the emotions I can’t define. I plead crazy for a mind that never sleeps. I plead crazy for feeling like a beard. I plead crazy for feeling like a third wheel. I plead crazy for feeling alone in a crowd. I plead crazy for not owning the label
single. I plead crazy for hating the label
single. I plead crazy for being
single.
I plead crazy for everything not mentioned or expressed…
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