There is no such thing as a Stepford Single Person
About a month ago I was reading an article on MSN.com that was a list of 10 excuses single people could give in response to the dreaded question: “When are you getting married?” Number 6 on the list was: There is no such thing as a Stepford Single Person. This phrase intrigued me, so I wrote it down and I’ve carried it around ever since until I could figure out just what this phrase meant to me. I’m sure most everyone has seen the movie Stepford Wives (whether it was the old version or the new version with Nicole Kidman), and realizes that a Stepford wife was a robot-woman who couldn’t think for herself and was a mirror image of what her husband wanted in a wife. Don’t get me wrong… I loved being married and I would love to be married again someday, but I understand how the phrase Stepford wife comes about. Married people work together as a unit, a team, building a life together. Usually, not always, but usually the wife melds her identity into this husband/wife team image and gives every part of herself to the ‘team’; working very hard to achieve the ‘teams’ goals and dreams, the husbands goals and dreams. What happens to the wife’s identity? She had one before she got married; its what her husband was attracted to.

When I got divorced-- I suddenly had no identity at all. My identity had been being my ex-husband’s wife. I wrote about this dislocated self-identity in a poem called Trainspotting asking: “who am I… without the ‘Mrs.’?” I had to figure out who I was as a single person. I went through a process of re-inventing myself and finding my self-identity. Sometimes you have to give up who you were in order to become who you will be. I began to pursue my dream of writing. I’ve written poetry for years… now I’m writing a novel and I began writing this blog. Through this blog and the words I’ve written here… I’ve reached out and connected with some great people! You’ve let me know how you’ve related to what I’ve written or felt; you’ve made me feel like I made a difference somehow. You’ve made me feel like I mattered. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

This past weekend I suffered the stigma of being single. For some reason married people look upon my single self as a failure because I don’t have a husband or even a boyfriend. I’m not a couple therefore I’m worthless. I have no value. I haven’t contributed anything to the world because I don’t have two kids; own a home, boats, trailers, several vehicles and a swimming pool. The fact that I have a brain, a unique perspective and a voice and that I connect with people using that voice isn’t materialistic enough to form an identity in the married people’s eyes or be included in their group. I won’t be figured out in their eyes; I won’t have an identity until they marry me off again. Or maybe it’s that they don’t feel comfortable around someone who isn’t a Stepford.

Being single is hard sometimes… but there is no such thing as a Stepford Single Person and I’m not going to let the married people make me feel bad for not being 'status quo' anymore.

“I reject your reality and substitute my own.”
-Adam Savage

My friend MER ,who I've met through this blog touched upon this subject of not being a Stepford in this wonderful poem...  posted by Matildakay at 9:58 PM