I'm not a Techy
I’m not a Techy. Not an electronic techy nor a computer techy, an automobile techy or any kind of techy at all. I’m what you would call ‘techy challenged’.

For the life of me I could never hook up the TV, DVD, VCR, Cable box and Stereo and make them all communicate and work together. I can’t even program the VCR to record while I’m gone. Forget TiVo I haven’t even attempted that yet. I do well enough to figure out which of the 5 remotes operates whatever electronic device I want to watch/listen to at that particular moment. I happen to own two sets of TV’s, DVD’s, VCR’s, Cable box’s and Stereo’s that are all hooked up, communicating and working together just like they are supposed to. One set in the living room and the other in the bedroom. Of course the better set is in the living room. But I did not hook any of this equipment up. The only time I have ever used being a Single woman to my advantage was in a plot to get all of this electronic equipment hooked up.

Since I’ve been single I have moved twice. Both times I plotted to get my electronic equipment hooked up without any effort on my part. The secret is to get the Cable man to hook it all up for you. Here’s what you need to do:

1) Arrange the Cable installation within a day or two of your moving day, the sooner the better.

2) Place all the electronic equipment in the entertainment center where it’s supposed to go, just don’t try to hook it up on your own.

3) Arrange all wires, cables, and extension cords on the floor in front of the entertainment center as if you’re at your wits end and have given up.

4) When the Cable man arrives, show him the entertainment center with all of the electronic equipment in it and pick up a few of the wires and cables and simply say: “I tried to hook all this up, but I just can’t figure it out.” If you happen to be blonde with fake boobs, this works really well. But since I’m not a blonde and don’t have fake boobs… I have to throw in: “It’s just all so confusing.” And then I offer the Cable man a beer. I don’t even drink beer, but I make sure I have a beer in the fridge to offer the Cable man when he comes.

Both times it has worked like a charm. The Cable man hooked up everything for me and even ran it through my stereo so when I watch movies… it sounds really really good. You may think this is devious on my part, but I have found that Cable guys are really into electronic systems and actually like hooking systems up. They also love to talk about their enormous big screen/flat panel TV’s and the size/quality of their surround sound systems that they have at home while hooking up all of your electronic equipment. So, I listen, pretend to be impressed by the sheer size of their system and get my stuff all hooked up in the process. If you’re a man… I don’t know if my strategy would work for you, but you could try it and see.

The extent of my automobile knowledge is: I can pump gas, get the car washed, even though I don’t do that often enough and I know where the oil goes and how to check if there is oil in the car by using that little dipstick thingy. I also know that when the heat gage gets into the red zone that’s really bad. And when the gaslight comes on… I need to get gas eventually. When a tire looks low… I need to find a guy to air it up for me. If anything else goes wrong with the car, I call my dad. If he can’t fix it himself, he calls his mechanic. I should probably sign up for Triple A emergency road service, but I haven’t done that yet.

And I’m definitely not computer techy. I work on a computer all day and I use a computer most evenings surfing the Internet, and writing my novel or these blogs for all of you to read. I can hook a computer up by myself and I know just enough HTML to make links on my blog. So when my new laptop arrived I was faced with the challenge of setting up a wireless connection and networking it to my desktop computer.

I told a friend that I had bought a laptop and that it had wireless capabilities and he sent me this email:

“You will end up using the laptop and never using the desktop (that’s my prediction). The wireless router you can get anywhere that sells computer stuff. You need a wireless router that is 802.11b or 802.11g the G is faster but you really won't notice a difference unless you share applications between the two computers. Your cable modem can get speeds up to 3mbs and normally runs around 1.5mbs. 802.11b transmits at 11mbs and 802.11g transmits at 54mbs so both blow away whatever your cable modem can put out. Besides being faster the 802.11g transmits the signal further which is not always a positive thing. The 802.11b routers are way less expensive.”

Now this was a man who was definitely computer techy… I responded with:

“Just reread your computer techy email... I'll probably have to print it out and take it with me to the computer store. :) I'm just not good at that stuff.”

After several more emails where he tried to explain to me what I would need to do to set up my laptop… he offered to help me. I think he felt sorry for me. And the thing is there was no plot in progress to get help with my laptop I really had no clue what any of this stuff meant. It was like a foreign language to me. I just didn’t get it. I was ‘techy challenged’.

I bought a wireless router and my friend came over to set up my laptop for me and network it to my desktop. He got the wireless connection and Internet to work. He set up the network. But for some reason the two computers wouldn’t access each other. He came over a second time and brought his laptop and his laptop worked with the network but mine wouldn’t. It was maddening. After trying everything he could think of he suggested I call Dell tech support as a last resort.

The next day I called Dell tech support. They informed me that I had to pay them for tech support. I could buy a year plan for $300 or I could buy a one-time one-problem 72-hour plan for $100. I bought the one time one problem 72 hour plan and spent the next 3 hours on the phone with a Dell tech support computer techy guy who had a very heavy foreign accent that made understanding anything he said almost impossible. He had me do exactly the same things my friend had already done with exactly the same results. And at the end of the 3 hours he said:

“We are only responsible to get the computers to show up on the network accessing your files on your desktop is not our problem.” And then he hung up on me.

I was livid. Actual steam was coming out of my ears. Here I was paying him for his help and he hangs up on me! I couldn’t believe it.

I called Dell tech support back. Went through their whole automated system until I finally got a real person on the phone. And then I explained the situation:

“I’ve just spent three hours on the phone with another tech support representative of yours who had such a heavy accent that I could barely understand him and after doing everything he told me to do, he hung up on me.”

The new Dell tech support computer techy guy also had a heavy foreign accent that was difficult to understand. What is it about Dell tech support? Is having a heavy foreign accent a prerequisite of being hired for Dell?

“Look I just want someone to speak slowly so I can understand what they’re saying and tell me what to do to make the two computers access each other.” I explained to the Dell tech support computer techy guy through gritted teeth.

“Let’s take this one step at a time.” He replied.

Then he talked me through the exact same things that my friend and the other Dell tech support computer techy guy had me do. We got the same results again. No access from one computer to the next.

“Ok. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to make a new Network Places.” He said through his heavy foreign accent.

“Why? Explain to me why we’re going to make a new Network when I already have a Network?” I exclaimed to the Dell tech support computer techy guy.

“We’ll just make a new Network Places. We can delete it if it don’t work.” He explained.

“But just explain to me why we need another Network I don’t understand.” I said exasperated.

“We will just make a new Network Places.” He said again.

“No! I’m not going to make another Network when I already have a Network. Just tell me what to click on to make this Network work!” I demanded.

“We will just make a new Network Places.” He reiterated through his heavy foreign accent.

“Nooooo! We won’t make a new Network!” I screamed frustrated.

And then I had an epiphany. I remembered that my friend had said something about the firewalls. So I checked the firewall on the laptop and there was an extra firewall besides the Windows firewall. I turned it off and WALLAH the two computers accessed each other.

“We will just make a new Network Places.” The Dell tech support computer techy guy said again.

“No! We will not make a new Network because we don’t need a new Network! I just turned off the additional firewall on the laptop and now everything works. The two computers access each other.” I explained fed up with this idiot.

“Oh the firewall… I didn’t think about that.” He replied sheepishly.

“Well this concludes our tech support session today. I hope everything was to your satisfaction.” He stated out of habit.

“Ughhhh!” I yelled hanging up the phone.

I just spent $100 dollars and an entire day on the phone with irritating hard to understand computer techy guys because I’m ‘techy challenged’ and then ended up figuring out the problem myself. It was just maddening!

Since then my laptop and wireless network have worked perfectly. And I’ve enjoyed being able to sit on the couch or lay in bed late at night while typing on my laptop. I can’t wait to travel with it. My friend's prediction just might come true...  posted by Matildakay at 11:36 PM