Close Encounters of the Annoying Cats Kind
Lately I’ve grown so used to the many annoying cats that hang out around my house, and in my yard, I’ve become blasé about their very existence. Indeed I’m quite an expert now at ignoring the presence of the 3 or 4 annoying cats lounging in my back yard every time I walk from my house to the garage even though they continue to use my back yard as their toilet and look at me as if I’m the intruder, not them. I’ve lost the urge to shove the annoying cats sleeping on the wall in between the house and the garage. Instead I envy their ability to sleep on any surface and fantasize about shooting them with an air gun startling them into falling off the wall. The giant annoying cat shadows pacing back and forth on the living room window blinds no longer freaks me out. I must confess the annoying cats silent shadow puppet film is much better viewing material than reality TV. I am no longer tormented by their cat-wailing and moaning and sex-screaming cat sex even though their cat sex rendezvous’ are still a nightly occurrence. A sublime torture method so practiced, so acute, I admit they must be professionals.

When last I spoke of the annoying cats I endure; there were 3 pregnant annoying cats hanging around my house. To this date, I have yet to hear or see any mewling kittens. I wonder if my crazy little old cat lady next door scooped up those spawn of annoying cats in a basket and is even now grooming a new crop of annoying cats to let loose upon my house and yard.

I’ve found a way of coping with the annoying cats that have besieged my home. I’ve perfected the art of indifference. Unfortunately, my friends that visit me have not yet learned how to be indifferent to the annoying cats I silently suffer.

“There are a couple of cats in your yard.” A friend who dropped by for a visit said.

“I know.” I replied.

“They stared me down as I walked up to the door.” She continued.

“They do me too.” I answered.

“It’s eerie!” She exclaimed.

CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE FIRST KIND – Sighting of annoying cats.

We sat in the living room catching up on each other’s lives…

“What is that?!” She yelled jumping in her chair.

“What?” I asked.

“There!” She said pointing to the giant annoying cat shadows pacing back and forth on the living room window blinds.

“Cats.” I stated matter of factly.

CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE SECOND KIND – Physical evidence (of an annoying cat landing).

We continued talking…

“He wouldn’t give me any money to go shopping with!” She exclaimed about her on again off again boyfriend.

“So what? You’re fighting now?” I asked giggling at her ridiculous problem.

“Yeah! He pissed me off. He had three hundred dollars in his pocket and he wouldn’t give me any money to go shopping with while he golfed all day.” She explained as if the world were coming to an end.

“How stingy of him.” I consoled.

“Indeed!” She proclaimed.

Aaaaaahrrrrrhhhhhh! Ooooooohhhhhhh! (cat-wailing, moaning and sex-screaming)

“What was that?” She shrieked.

“Cats screwing.” I stated nonchalantly.

CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE THIRD KIND – Contact (with annoying cats).

“OH!” She exclaimed.

“WE ARE NOT ALONE.” I whispered.  posted by Matildakay at 11:04 PM