Attack of the Killer Annoying Cats
Those darn annoying cats have been hanging around my house a lot lately. They scatter when I go out my back door but they always come back. They lurk, acting as if they own the place and I’m the intruder.

“Scat! Go away!” I yelled at one cat today as I carried my laundry basket from the house to the garage where the washer and dryer are located.

A very fat annoying cat sauntered off as I walked to the garage. Just then I saw something strange lying on the lawn in the backyard, so I went to investigate.

Ewwwww! It’s a dead bird! I screamed in my head as I backed away.

I went back inside and called a friend.

“There’s a dead bird in my backyard!” I said as he answered.

“What kind of bird?” He said excited.

“I don’t know. A decapitated and eaten bird.” I said.

He laughed.

“There are plucked feathers laying around it.” I observed.

“Cool.” He stated.

“I think those annoying cats killed it!” I exclaimed.

“How do I get rid of it?” I asked.

“Get a shovel and throw it away.” He said.

“I don’t have a shovel.” I explained.

“I don’t either.” He said.

Shoot. I thought hanging up the phone.

Not only were those annoying cats cat-wailing and moaning and sex-screaming cat sex nightly rendezvous’ getting way out of hand, but now they were killing birds! If you read about me lying dead in my backyard with my face eaten off in the newspaper someday, you’ll know the annoying cats did it! They would finally have taken their revenge on me for not feeding them or being a cat lady.

What now? I wondered.

A little bit later I was chatting with another friend online. He was telling me about how he and his son had went shooting when it dawned on me that he might be able to help me get rid of the dead bird. He was the only friend I knew that hunted; a dead bird probably wouldn’t faze him.

“I have a problem.” I told him.

“What?” He asked.

“There’s a dead bird in my backyard. I think the annoying cats killed it.” I explained.

He laughed too.

“Get a shovel and throw it away.” He said.

What is it with shovels? I’m female and I rent, why would I have a shovel? I thought.

“I don’t have a shovel.” I explained.

“And my Dad is out of town for a few days.” I informed him.

“Do you need me to rescue you from the evil dead bird?” He asked.

“If you wouldn’t mind.” I stated.

“I’ll come by and get rid of it.” He said.

I expected him to have a shovel when he showed up, but he didn’t.

“Where’s the bird?” He asked.

I showed him the dead decapitated bird in the backyard.

“It’s a Dove!” He exclaimed.

A Dove! How sad… those horrible violent bird-killing annoying cats! I thought.

He bent over and picked it up by its tail feathers and carried it to the trashcan at my curb.

“Ewwwww!” I exclaimed.

“I didn’t think you’d pick it up with your hands.” I told him.

“Its just it’s feathers.” He explained.

“It’s only been dead since yesterday or this morning. I shoot birds when I hunt; you have to pick them up after you shoot them. A dead bird doesn’t bother me unless it’s been dead for days and stinks.” He continued explaining.

“Thanks for getting rid of the dead bird for me.” I said grateful.

“No problem.” He said grinning.

“I can’t believe those annoying cats actually killed a bird.” I stated.

“That’s what cats do.” He explained.

“I should have brought my son’s air pistol over for you to have a little fun with.” He said as he left.  posted by Matildakay at 10:54 PM