The Gemini Anxiety
“How are you doing these days?” A friend asked in an email the other day.

“I’m ok. Kind of bored, frustrated… and the Gemini anxiety is starting to kick in as my birthday rears its ugly head this coming weekend.” I wrote back.

“I am going to try and act like I forgot about my birthday.” He wrote back.

We’re both Gemini’s; we both suffer the Gemini anxiety...

I used to think I was crazy because I suffered the Gemini anxiety… that is until I found out there were other Gemini’s like me that suffered the same birthday anxiety every year.

“I think the fact that I am doing my best to forget that my birthday is looming would be anxiety. The week before my birthday is the worst! But I still have a couple weeks to go.” He explained.

“Yeah I know the week before my birthday is the worst too! Which is right now!” I exclaimed.

“I suggest you start drinking heavily.” He advised.

“Sounds like a good idea… either that or shopping like crazy!” I replied.

“You should go and buy that air soft pistol and water gun and shoot at the annoying cats.” He suggested.

“Do it!!!!! Stop by Big 5 and go nuts!” He continued.

“You want me to get more annoying cat hate mail don’t you?” I joked.

I don’t do birthdays well. I never have. I don’t like them. They make me anxious and riddled with self-doubt and low self-esteem. As if turning a year older is supposed to make you wiser, make things different, easier, special, but it doesn’t. Life is just as confusing, just as hard, only now you’re a year older. I don’t like birthday parties where I’m the center of attention, but I don’t want to spend my birthday alone either. Somewhere in the midst of what I’ve labeled the Gemini anxiety is a fine balance of happiness with your age and who you are that I have a hard time juggling.

“How old are you going to be on your birthday?” ‘M’ my trainer at physical therapy asked me yesterday.

“38.” I replied.

“38!” He exclaimed.

“That’s really close to 40!” He said smiling ear to ear.

“Shut up! You’re 38 too!” I yelled punching ‘M’ in the arm.

He laughed…

“Get to work! Did you do your warm-ups?” ‘M’ returned.

“I need to lose 5-7 pounds.” I told ‘M’.

“Why?” ‘M’ asked looking me up and down as if I was nuts.

Awww… ‘M’s an angel! He’s not the devil after all. I thought.

“Because I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds.” I replied.

“Are you eating the wrong kind of food?” He asked.

“Is chocolate ice cream bad?” I asked grinning.

“Too much of it, yes.” He informed me.

“I can’t help it! I’m going to be 38 on Sunday!” I exclaimed as if he should know I was suffering from the Gemini anxiety.

“Well in that case, go ahead and eat the whole ice cream truck.” He joked.

“Shut up!” I said grinning.

“Give me an abs exercise to get rid of my ice cream stomach.” I told ‘M’.

What am I, crazy?! I’m asking ‘M’ for more exercises! I admonished myself as I went off to do the 3 abs exercises ‘M’ assigned me.

Over the years, I have found that buying myself birthday presents helps somewhat in staving off the Gemini anxiety. My birthday present to myself this year: the first season of the HBO series Six Feet Under arrived in the mail earlier this week and I’ve been enjoying reliving one of my favorite television shows. Who knows… I may go crazy enough from the Gemini anxiety to finally buy that digital camera I’ve been wanting forever. Now that would be a nice birthday present to myself!

Getting out of Bakersfield is another surefire way to stave off the Gemini anxiety, a looming birthday and another year closer to 40. My dear friends are taking me out of town for the weekend to someplace where I’ll have wet sand between my toes… and just maybe, I'll leave the Gemini anxiety behind in Bakersfield with my fellow Gemini friend.  posted by Matildakay at 4:27 PM