39
I turned 39 this past Monday on Memorial Day. Which was kind of fitting considering this is the last year of my 30’s. Wow! It’s really weird to say that.

39 didn’t really start to sink in until the night before my birthday when it hit me like a giant cartoon sledgehammer right over the head. How could I be 39 years old? I wondered. I don’t feel 39. What does 39 feel like anyway? I thought I had avoided the dreaded Gemini anxiety this year, but there it was like a ghost staring me in the face screaming 39.

In 39 years I have never figured out how to deal with the Gemini anxiety. I can only compare it to an anxiety attack. Having to face your age and the confusion of life on the day you were born as if birthdays bring wisdom or meaning makes me anxious. Because really I have no clue what I’m doing.

The day before my birthday I sat in the Harvey Auditorium listening to Bakersfield High School teachers and students speaking what they hoped were inspirational words to the graduates at a baccalaureate ceremony, when I heard the Mathematics Chair admit: “Life is confusing and I still have no clue what I’m doing.” It took guts to admit that to a graduating class and it made me feel so much better to know I wasn’t alone in my confusion. He went on to say that: “Whatever life throws at you, I know you can handle it.” In 39 years, that is truly the one thing I have learned.

39 is about opportunities. I can just feel it. It’s about finding ways to celebrate life. It’s about being a zombie in Hectic Films horror film. It’s about a project that celebrates being 39 forever, immortally and an opportunity that could potentially be bigger than I imagine. I’ll tell you all about this project when the time is right to announce it. It’s about change. I can feel that too. But whatever 39 throws at me… I know I can handle it.

On Memorial Day morning the big 39 and I headed down to Santa Monica with my Noveltown partners, N.L. and chingpea to attend a Small Press Book Fair. We listened to my ipod on the drive down, the shuffle feature was the DJ and for some odd reason the ipod picked all the obscure, rarely listened to music I had. Except for a couple Darren Hayes songs and a few Harry Connick Jr. songs, we were stuck in an easy listening montage from the 80’s and 90’s. I was a little embarrassed every time N.L. asked: “Who’s this?” Crazy! Why isn’t the ipod playing U2, Wilco, The Shins, The Killers, Coldplay, Sting, or anyone else that I listen to all the time? I wondered.

“I didn’t realize you listened to so much easy listening.” N.L. teased.

“I swear I don’t.”

“If you don’t listen to it, what’s it doing on your ipod?” He had me there.

“I listen to it once in a while, but not all the time really.” I tried to regroup. He just laughed at me.

And then a Darren Hayes song I haven’t heard in a while but love came on and I listened as Darren sang…

“Are you where you want to be?
Did you get there easily?
Did they make you sacrifice?
Did you make a sharp left
When you should've turned right?
Are you where you want to be?”

Well that’s an appropriate question for my 39th birthday. I thought. Am I where I want to be? I’ve always answered that question with a no since my divorce because I haven’t ended up where I thought I would when I dreamed of fairy tales. Somewhere along the line I made a sharp left and ended up where I am today. But that sharp left has made me more me than I ever would have been without it.

And then The Fly by U2 began playing on the ipod and I forgot about being 39 as we talked about all things Noveltown.

Soon we arrived at the Small Press Book Fair in Santa Monica, set up Noveltown’s table and began a day of networking with other Small Presses, writers and poets. We met a lot of great people, heard a lot of great poetry and hung out with co-poetry editors for the Noveltown Review Rafael Alvarado and S.A. Griffin. And the Noveltown Review went like hotcakes!




S.A. Griffin reads a few poems.

N.L. will be writing in depth about the Small Press Book Fair and our adventures there so be sure to look for it on Paperback Writer.

The Small Press Book Fair was held in an old church in Santa Monica with stained glass windows. I love stained glass windows. I find them truly beautiful. I had my camera with me and I took a few pictures of the windows and in and around the old church. I’ll share those with you in another post.

After spending most of the day at the book fair it was time to go exploring in Los Angeles. We were all starving having only snacked on muffins and cookies at the book fair. We headed to Hollywood. We had food and Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End on our brains.

We found one of our favorite burger joints, Astro Burgers, and gobbled up our food while we picked songs on the tabletop jukebox.




Notice the green mohawk and chingpea's cameo!

Afterwards we headed to Disney’s El Capitan theatre on Hollywood Blvd. We wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End in a famous theatre but all the shows were sold out.



So we drove to Universal City walk to see if we could see Pirates at the theatre there. We were able to get tickets and walked around City Walk looking at shops while we waited for the movie to start. The theatre at Universal City Walk is posh with wide plush seats, lots of leg room and a huge screen. Let me tell you Captain Jack looks really good on Universal’s giant screen. I enjoyed the movie even better the second time around. We spent most of the drive home dissecting and discussing Pirates 3.

It was the perfect ending to a great day. I usually prefer for my birthdays to go by quietly. No big fuss. I don’t want to be the center of attention. I just want to be remembered by the people I love. And that is exactly what 39 Memorial Day was.

Labels: 39, birthday, Captain Jack, Memorial Day, Noveltown, Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End, Small Press Book Fair, The Noveltown Review

  posted by Matildakay at 7:31 PM 8 comments

Captain Jack goes to the End of the World and breaks another record
For my male readers who are tired of hearing me wax poetic about Captain Jack and Johnny Depp, who gag every time I post another Captain Jack/Johnny Depp photo, please feel free to skip right over this blog, in fact go read about me being a zombie… this blog is for the females.

I’ve been looking forward to the opening of the third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean and seeing Captain Jack once again on the big screen all year. In fact I have been obsessed. And like any good obsessed smalltown girl, I joined my friends after work last Thursday evening to wait in line for the premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End wearing my favorite Captain Jack t-shirt.



We waited in the heat as the sun had decided to burn down upon us as if we were lost at sea with no cover. Those next to me in line opened an umbrella and tried to find shade. While others camped out in lawn chairs and on blankets text messaging and reading books. There were many pirates from the local Pirates Guild in full pirate regalia in line having mock sword fights, smoking cigarettes and talking in “arghs,” I wanted one of their fabulous pirate costumes.



Chingpea and I argued with a 4-year-old pirate over Captain Jack and Will Turner. The 4 year old claimed: “Captain Jack is old,” chingpea and I were heart broken for our beloved Captain Jack. I guess each generation has their pirate, Will Turner can be the young ones pirate, Captain Jack is chingpea’s and mine.



Finally they began to let us into the theatre. Pirates 3 At World’s End was worth the wait! I liked it much better than Pirates 2 Dead Man’s Chest. There were amazing Singapore scenes, the tyrannical East India Company and the demolishment of democracy, the journey to Davy Jones’ Locker to rescue Captain Jack, a sea goddess, the pirate brethren, great sword fights, and love and betrayal.

Even though it took a while for Captain Jack to make an appearance, once found he was larger than life in every scene. And though he suffered from delusions because of his visit to the locker, he was nobody’s fool. All of the main characters story lines were completed and we found out the answers to many unanswered questions from the previous two movies. Each of the characters seemed to have their own agenda, and at times it was hard to figure out who was betraying whom. In the end Will and Elizabeth’s love and Captain Jack’s good heart won the day.





I’ve read in articles where Johnny Depp is so attached to his Captain Jack character that he’s not quite ready to give him up. Believe me, I’m not ready to give up Captain Jack yet either. In the end the movie is left open for a fourth installment of Pirates should every one so desire it. I certainly wouldn’t object to more Captain Jack and Pirates movies.



In the meantime, Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End broke the record for best Memorial Day opening with $142.1 million for the three-day weekend and another $14 million on the premiere last Thursday. And with sold out shows continuing those numbers will only climb.

I’ve seen the movie twice now and can’t wait to see it a few more times at the theatre; it’s a wild pirate ride to the end of the world.

Labels: Bakersfield, Captain Jack, Johnny Depp, Kern County Pirates Guild, Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End, Smalltown Girls

  posted by Matildakay at 11:52 PM 4 comments

Matildakay Zombie
A few weeks ago Hectic Films put out a call for people to be zombies in their local zombie movie extravaganza: Wretched Flesh. Last Sunday was the big zombie filming day and I came prepared to put on my best zombie face.

As it turned out there were some talented makeup artists who put my zombie face on for me.



You will be so impressed by the zombie makeup in this movie…

Ricky and Jason of Hectic Films are two hard working, talented local filmmakers and two of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. I was very impressed with the amount of people and filmmakers that came together to make this film project come to life. There was no drama. No competition between the various filmmakers. Just an amazing amount of teamwork and great attitudes from everyone involved who were genuinely happy to be working on the project.

Once I had my zombie face… it was time to become a zombie.

“I already have the zombie walk thanks to knee surgery.” I previously joked.

As it turns out, being a zombie is a little harder than it looks. Especially when it comes time to die.

I joined the other zombies, walking slow and stilted, clawing at the ‘live’ people and other zombieness that you’ll have to wait and see in the movie.

Becoming a character and hiding behind the makeup allows one an escape from reality. How many times have I been a zombie in my own life? How many years have I walked through life like an undead zombie, instead of really living? I wondered. I know there were a few years where I didn’t exist beyond being a zombie. But these days the only place you'll see me being a zombie is in Hectic Films Wretched Flesh.

Although the day of filming was long, in the end it was an extremely rewarding experience to be part of such a great project. I can’t wait to see the finished film.

Read Noveltown’s the making of a zombie movie: part one and see more zombie pics.

Labels: Bakersfield filmmakers, Hectic Films, movies, Noveltown, Wretched Flesh, Zombies

  posted by Matildakay at 11:18 PM 3 comments

Tonight I'm seeing a Pirate...
At long last... the wait for the premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and the return of Captain Jack is finally here!



The other day I was accused of having Captain Jack fever. If this is a fever... I don't want to be well.



Can you blame me?



I'm ready to be pillaged...

Labels: Captain Jack, Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End

  posted by Matildakay at 3:26 PM 2 comments

Tonight I'm seeing a New Orleans man...
Harry Connick Jr. is in town tonight with his New Orleans tour singing songs about one of my favorite cities I've ever spent time in.



My friends and I will be there with our drool on.

**Updated: I'll regale you all with Harry Connick, Jr. tales soon...

Labels: Bakersfield, Harry Connick Jr., jazz music, New Orleans, Rabobank

  posted by Matildakay at 1:26 PM 2 comments

A New Crop of Annoying Cats
I was walking from the house to the garage the other day when out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the many annoying cats that belong to my little old cat lady next door neighbor, lounging under the trees in my back yard.

Annoying cats! I thought and then froze mid-step.

Kittens! There were four annoying kittens snuggled up next to that annoying cat!

“Unbelievable they're multiplying!” I said out loud. The annoying cat actually winked at me.

Of course I immediately went back into the house and grabbed my camera to get photographic proof for you all, my readers, of the fruit of the cat-wailing and moaning and sex-screaming – cat sex rendezvous’ I constantly suffer through night after night after night as if they were the ‘outside my window pornographic theatre players’.

So here they are… the new crop of annoying cats!



I wonder if the SPCA picks up annoying cats and kittens?

I wonder if my little old cat lady neighbor knows her annoying cat brood has grown by four?

Why in the world did that annoying cat pick my yard to have kittens in?

Ugh! Just what I need… more annoying cats to deal with.

Labels: annoying cats, Bakersfield, kittens, SPCA

  posted by Matildakay at 11:03 PM 5 comments

Wretched Flesh! Get your Zombie on…
Hectic Films is filming their zombie movie Wretched Flesh this weekend. Are you going to be a zombie? I am! This is your one chance to be a zombie in a Hectic Films horror flick. So come out and get your zombie on… Hectic Films needs all the zombies they can get.

Watch the teaser test video for Wretched Flesh…



Here are all the details from Hectic Films:

“For those of you who don't know… We are making a Zombie Movie called Wretched Flesh. So far we have a lot of the community helping out with to make this local project awesome! We have local bands making songs The Silence Club (of course! We can't make any video without that awesome sound) OP Stylee, Isaac Rocha from Safe Sounds (The song he submitted is the one in the trailer, Awesome huh?) and Dirty Spanglish (their song is actually going to be called Wretched Flesh!!). We need more songs from local bands so if you are interested make a song about zombies! We have also had an extreme amount of help and support from Noveltown (Thanks Guys!). Even Padgett Productions who donated some time at our studio to train some zombies how to get crazy. We would just like to say thanks!

So with the help of some local filmmakers, MeatyDish Productions, Birdloaf, Vindictive Films, Poop Productions, Some guy Named Walter and Stupid Kid Productions, this should be an awesome flick. We will be meeting up at the Down Towner Inn on 13th and Chester on May 20th, 2007 at 2pm. If you wanna be a zombie show up! If you wanna help out show up. If you want to watch show up. If you would like to stop by and take pictures, give us money, feed us show up!!!! We want to make this the biggest no budget production that has ever been here in Bakersfield so come down!

If you want to be a zombie just show up in crappy clothes and the make-up artists will do the rest! We will have some clothes also to use for the shoot. All the make-up artists will be promoted on our site! So stop by and check that out in a few weeks! Along with the bands that make songs for the movie.

Oh yes keep in mind that there is going to be a private showing of the finished project for only those who were in it! So again if you are interested let us know!”

Labels: Bakersfield, filmmakers, Hectic Films, Horror films, Noveltown, Zombies

  posted by Matildakay at 1:31 PM 1 comments

Bones
Yesterday evening, bones hurting, I walked into physical therapy a little slower in step than usual. It had been a long day of dealing with drama and I was tired.

“How’s Matildakay today?” ‘M’ asked.

“I’m here.” My mind was heavy, “My knee is hurting today.”

“What have you been doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Maybe that’s it, not enough activity.”

“I don’t know, its just hurting.” I said.

“Well warm up on the bike and we’ll see how you do.” ‘M’ said.

I climbed on the bike turned on my ipod and began scrolling through the music library. I was looking for something… I wasn’t sure what, but I wanted to be inspired. I ran my thumb over the ipod selection wheel in a circular motion as artists names flashed on the screen. I don’t know why, but I love that circular motion of the pad of my thumb lightly touching the ipod selection wheel, of skin touching technology. I love having hundreds of artists in the palm of my hand. I love being able to carry around my entire cd collection in my purse. Its quite freeing to whip out my ipod and pick a particular music to fit my mood at any moment, anywhere.

I scrolled through artist’s names waiting for one of them to jump out at me. And then one did. Rich Ferguson, spoken word poet and writer. It was fitting; Rich Ferguson had been on my mind most of the day. I love his work! I clicked on his name, started the timer on the bike and began pedaling.

My right knee was puffy. Navigating stairs had been hard that day and now it was screaming pain at me with every crank of the bike pedal.

“These bones are my worst nightmare come true” Rich Ferguson passionately spoke about bones loudly in the headphones pushed in my ears as my right patella slipped in and out over my leg bones grinding, screaming his words in unisom.

“I can feel them knocking against the doors of my flesh” How did Rich know my knee bones were knocking, knocking threatening to jump track at any moment?

“Can’t you hear ‘em moan bones?” I could.

“Torture bones” He spoke. I agreed and pedaled faster.

“Bones…” Are others as aware of their bones as I am?

My deformed knee bones have become second nature with their limitations, discomfort and pain. These are my bones. I know my bones better than most for they speak to me constantly.

“You get a new ipod?” ‘M’ asked.

“No. I’ve had it, I just brought it with me today.” I said. I had wanted to escape the usual classic rock or country radio stations Terrio plays and the other patients and fitness clients mindless social banter.

Physical therapy to spoken word poetry is quite a different experience. Each step, squat, extension, and weight had a word, a beat and a meaning. I kept pace with Rich’s passion. And so did my bones.

“Can I have ice and stem?” I asked ‘M’ at the end of my program.

“Your knees are really puffy, we’ll ice them both.” ‘M’ said.

He hooked my right knee up to the stem machine and piled ice bags on both my knees. Soon electric currents crawled up and down the muscles on either side of my right knee. My bones eased, relaxed.

I sighed.

“I wish I could take this machine with me.” Hooked up to the stem machine was the only time my bones slept instead of screamed.

“We have portable ones you could rent.” I watched ‘M’s finger on the increase current button pushing, pushing, pushing it up… he looked at me as if asking “when?”

It felt so good… I closed my eyes ‘M’ kept pushing the increase current button.

“Ok.” I finally said opening my eyes as my bones sighed.

Labels: Bakrsfield, Bones, ipod, Physical Therapy, Poetry, Rich Ferguson, Spoken Word, Terrio Therapy Fitness

  posted by Matildakay at 11:34 PM 5 comments

Oh the men I’ll be seeing…
There are men in my future...

Hot men.

Talented men.

Famous men.

Who? You ask.

Harry Connick Jr.


Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean At Worlds End


John Mayer


Darren Hayes


and The Police


This Smalltown Girl is looking forward to the next five weeks...

and the men I’ll be seeing.

Labels: Darren Hayes, Harry Connick Jr., John Mayer, Johnny Depp, Smalltown Girls, The Police

  posted by Matildakay at 9:38 PM 4 comments

The Noveltown Review
Take a look inside the Noveltown Review...



The newest literary magazine out of the California Central Valley features some great writers from across the country.

Fiction stories by: Brad Listi, N. Frank Daniels, Conrad Romo and Susan Henderson.

Literary articles by: Lauren Baratz-Logsted, Cindy Wathen, N. Frank Daniels, Robin Slick, Susan Henderson and N.L. Belardes.

Poetry by: Matildakay, Rich Ferguson and Jenn Williams.

The layout is classy and goregeous! The writing is outstanding! You won't be able to put it down.

Get your free copy in Bakersfield at Russo's Books at the Marketplace or Metro Art Galleries downtown.

Or order your copy online at www.noveltown.net/books. (Online orders - minimal cost to cover shipping).

Read excerpts from the magazine and see photos from the Noveltown Review's premier Mixer on Paperback Writer.

**Updated: Read Greg Goodsell's review of the Noveltown Review on Bakotopia and leave a comment.

Be Noveltown's friend... add Noveltown on myspace!

Labels: Bakersfield, Brad Listi, California Central Valley, Cindy Wathen, N. Frank Daniels, N.L. Belardes, Noveltown, Rich Ferguson, Robin Slick, Susan Henerson, The Noveltown Review

  posted by Matildakay at 10:47 PM 1 comments

Lara Tupper's A Thousand and One Nights


Lara Tupper is the author of A Thousand and One Nights, a graduate of the MFA Program for Writers at Warren Wilson College, is a teacher of fiction writing at Rutgers University and a proud member of the Barry Manilow International Fan Club. Sure she has traveled the world as one half of a lounge-singing duo. She artfully infused her debut novel with lounge singing experiences, duo misadventures and tales of exotic locales. And seriously, she’s not afraid to admit her Manilow love!

In A Thousand and One Nights, Tupper takes the reader on an adventure with Karla a 20-something girl trying to figure out her life while faking the glamorous lifestyle of a lounge singer, which turns out not to be so glamorous. Karla soon finds herself in a relationship and lounge-singing duo with Jack and together they travel to foreign locations. I’ve been on a couple cruises myself, and the behind the scenes look at shipboard life had me clawing for a Kleenex from snorting with laughter.

Tupper’s literary ability is to use humor and sadness to tell a poignant tale of a doomed relationship while still remembering to wow you with little details along the way.

You don’t have to be a lounge singer or even an entertainer to relate to the characters in A Thousand and One Nights. I found little pieces of myself effortlessly written between the lines. If you’ve ever worn a fake smile, or been in a relationship where you depend most on the person you’re growing apart from, you too might find yourself entrenched in Tupper’s book.

Recently, I had a chance to talk to Lara Tupper about her novel, pop culture, travels and her obsession with Barry Manilow…

(Read the full blog with more pics and the interview with Lara Tupper on Noveltown's blog)

Labels: A Thousand and One Nights, Barry Manilow, Lara Tupper, Literature, Noveltown

  posted by Matildakay at 5:37 PM 1 comments

May Day


NL reflects on a Day of Action a year ago today while encouraging students at Bakersfield College.

"I purposely didn’t bring up the political topic to the class. I was in the Humanities building to talk literary opportunities for writers, not politics. Although I did encourage writers to become active: active in everything from their verb tense to getting involved with community in their own lives."

(Read the full blog)

Labels: Bakersfield College, Day of Action, May Day, N.L. Belardes

  posted by Matildakay at 11:18 PM 4 comments