Trust
It came to me on the granite staircases of the Getty Museum.
With one leg extended, the other bent in painful descent.
It was a revelation.
I saw it clearly in my head in slow motion.
It was trust.
Trust was the relationship I had with my legs.
Not the naivety of first love,
but mature, like a lover betrayed.
I wanted more than anything to believe in them,
knowing all along they could fail me again.
Trust.
Awareness struck me in the face like a fist.
Made me off balance.
Trust was palpable...
I felt it in my bones as I continued down the granite stairs.
With every step I trusted,
like a woman in love
no matter how much it hurt.

Labels: Getty Museum, Love, Poetry, Trust

  posted by Matildakay at 9:45 PM 4 comments

Chaos, Music and Surreal Moments…
Lately it seems like I’ve been running at full speed. I’ve had so much going on I haven’t had a moment to myself. And thanks to the time change, every time I’ve sat still for a moment, I’ve fallen asleep. We only sprung forward an hour, but its taken me days to quit feeling exhausted.

My days have been filled with chaos, music and surreal moments…

I had a meeting with a lawyer that was actually positive and reassuring. Lawyers are not exactly my favorite people. No offense to any reader that might be a lawyer. But my experiences with lawyers throughout my divorce were less than great. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of money on lawyers with no real results.

So when I met with a lawyer regarding my insurance claim I was expecting similar treatment. But instead, I felt like this lawyer was actually on my side. Was he a champion for hire?

I spent an afternoon wandering the streets of Little Tokyo in Los Angeles with friends and ate really good Japanese food.

I got lost spiritually and found myself standing mere inches from Van Gogh’s Irises. I found myself in the brush strokes, the texture, the thickness, the layers, the colors, and the chaos and made a museum employee nervous by my proximity.



I experienced the same revelations when I encountered Monet, Degas and Rembrandt.

I felt small when faced with historical artifacts, sculptures and illustrated manuscripts. In the big scheme of life my existence seems insignificant in regards to history, God and religion on display in the rooms I walked but wasn’t allowed to touch.

I found peace in the architecture, gardens and spectacular California coast and Los Angeles city views at the Getty Museum. The solitary stone benches, the staircases, and the fountains felt like home. I could have stayed for days instead of hours.

Soon after finding myself at the Getty, I became Rock Star Struck.

I visited Hollywood, the land of movie stars, to worship at the feet of rock stars in the Viper Room. The rock stars in question are Los Angeles new wave rock band: World Wide Spies. I’d seen them perform a couple of times in Bakersfield, and I’m obsessed with their new album: Images of Black and White. It’s absolutely fabulous. But I was blown away by their performance at the Viper Room. The sound was amazing. World Wide Spies were bigger than life. I felt like I was front and center at an intimate U2 concert. And just like that… I succumbed to their philosophy.


Matildakay (lower left corner) Rock Star Struck by World Wide Spies

Having mastered the art of buying Police tickets online… I applied the same savvy technique and bought Harry Connick Jr. tickets. I may not have any vacation plans scheduled yet this year, but 2007 is already filling up with great music.

Bakotopia and their new compilation CD release filled my weekends with lots of great local music. Everything I ever needed to know about life I learned from a punk-rock song. What a sober realization.

I found myself in a deserted parking garage at midnight with bats flying over my head flapping their wings in a sinister fashion. An eerie omen for sure.

I fell in love with Something New and realized that love can be found in the most unexpected places if you just open your heart a little…

And Spring came early…

My life feels like I'm rushing head first into the fray like a blooming flower that I've neglected to water.

Labels: Bakersfield, Bakotopia, Getty Museum, Harry Connick Jr., punk rock, Rock Star, Spring, The Police, U2, World Wide Spies

  posted by Matildakay at 11:55 PM 7 comments